Sunday, March 11, 2012

Archies Puppies: The Timberwolves

It's long past time for me to fill you in on what I know and conjecture about the Archangels servants. I apologize for taking so long between posts but I've been pondering what to do about that hotel full of Camper, especially the pool full of Ink. As a matter of fact, I've been obsessing over it. So I've upped my caffeine intake to act as a diuretic in case my suspicion that I've become infected with Ink are correct. I've also decided that if I can figure out how to safely kill all the Camper in the hotel the best way to deal with the pool is quick drying cement. That should keep the Ink out of the local water system.

So, on to the Timberwolves. You may have seen them in your home town and mistaken them for just another gang, at least if you don't recognize the symbol of their Master that they tend to use to tag their turf and mark their hoodies with*.

For those of you unfamiliar with it that is the symbol of the being known as the Archangel. The good news about his servants is that unlike Nests, Camper, and certain Slenderproxies Timberwolves are entirely human. To my knowledge none of them possess any unique supernatural abilities that have been recorded, I haven't even heard of them having access to something like the Path of Black Leaves (there is however a chance that they may be permitted to pass through the Empty City unharmed, but that will likely depend on the City's mood at the moment). They don't even appear to be Proxies in the usual sense, more cultists worshiping the Archangel but providing little to him aside from occasionally killing people and thus sending them into his embrace. Similarly their Master rarely involves himself in their business.

The bad news is that they combine the worst features of fanatics and gang members. Imagine dealing with a Crip or a Hells Angel who has no fear of death because all dying means is that he will spend an eternity with his god. Also don't think for a moment that just because they have the trapping of a gangbanger or a biker (depending on which branch you're dealing with) they're stupid.While I didn't give Betty or Veronica time to do so others I've met have loved to quote Shakespear and other classic works. One told me that in order to purify himself and become worthy of his "Father" (a naming quirk they appear to share with Slenderproxies, what's with Proxies and daddy issues?) his mind, soul, and body had to be "in harmony". I'm sure the fine paste the wood chipper made of him was very harmonious.

So "What is it that a Timberwolf actually does?" you may be asking. Now, I'm sure you recall their recent plot in my area to kill loads of people at the circus (the circus went off with out a hitch by the way. I didn't hear anything about a terrorist plot on the news but there was a brief flurry of black cars with government plates and now there are a lot fewer local Timberwolves.) Or have read Marilyn Monroe, Helen of Troy, or other long dead beauties. Or worse, the perfect snuff experience where the same victim can be brutally killed again and again. On the drug front they can get you pretty much anything you want, although they prefer dealing in highly addictive substances with a high toll on their users health like crack, heroin, or their recently created designer drug Archangel dust. Again, according to the rumor mill Archangel dust is not the only drug they've been known to mix with Ink. Apparently at low enough doses the Ink can heighten the addictiveness of the drug without creating a full blown Camper. Of course eventually the obsession the Ink causes will eventually lead them to OD and if the Ink reaches critical mass before the drug itself kills them . . .

To sum up, a Timberwolf is usually easily recognized, and poses only slightly more threat than a member of the Crips or the Hells Angels unless their local boss starts planning something big. Easily avoided as long as you don't attract the attention of them or their Master.

*Another reason I dislike the tendency of some Runners to mark themselves with the symbol of the being they're fleeing. If you put this on the back of your hoodie how am I supposed to know you're a Runner and not a Timberwolf?


  1. Puppies. Oh god. I will never take them seriously again.

    1. I never took them seriously.

      They're not servants they're wannabes.

      They have no powers. They're no better than regular humans as far as I'm concerned and the only thing regular humans are good for is bird food.

    2. Just because they're "merely" human doesn't make them any less dangerous.

      Timberwolves tend to work in gangs. And it doesn't matter how well-equipped one person is, taking on a group of Timberwolves is generally seen as a bad idea. They aren't resistant to weapons and they don't have any special powers, but there IS force in numbers. Remember that.

      - Have a Nice Day

    3. A small to large number of ordinary humans. Probably armed. Versus me and my large cloud of supernatural birds that number high enough to block out the sun. Plus I'm pretty much entirely immune to bladed weaponry and headshots.

      Yeah The numbers are on my side in this case.

      I reiterate.

      Timberwolves are useless servant wannabes.

  2. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

    How is the snuff experience worse then the deceased prostition ring? That's absolutely disgusting.

    I've yet to even encounter Archangel properly yet. I hope I don't encounter him or his servants after hearing this.

  3. So wait. Then what's the deal with those Apostle guys in the Paradoxical blog?

    1. Those are a relatively new phenomenon I'm keeping an eye on. So far that blog is the only source of information I have on the subject. I THINK that they fall under the same umbrella as the ambitious Timberwolf leader in my area who wanted to gas the circus. It could be though that the Archangel really does have big plans of It's own for them (I've found many Proxies discussing their masters big plans to be purely delusional).

      I thought you assumed me to be either writing fiction or mad though.