Saturday, February 18, 2012

Betty takes a late night swim

Before I explain what happened since my last post I want to clear something up that may have confused some readers. The Timberwolves I've been running from do not, as far as I know, actually call themselves Betty, Veronica, and Jughead. Those are just little names I came up with myself because they happened to be a brunette, a blond, and a guy in a stupid hat and all three are Archie's bitches. Hell they're even all three men. I did however solve Archie's dilemma recently. He no longer has to choose between Betty and Veronica since the three of them made the mistake of splitting up to find me faster. Betty found me near a small nest of Camper I'd stumbled into, I'll have to go deal with that when I'm not running from Slenderproxies and Timberwolves both (until I do don't stay at the Red Roof Inn on Seaway in Muskegon, or at least don't use the indoor pool) but it did turn out to be useful.

Betty kicked down my door late last night as I was packing up to get the hell out of Camper City, population the entire staff and some of the guests. He came at me with a bat and I threw a suitcase at him. While he was swinging for the bleachers trying to keep the suitcase from hitting him in the face I pulled my favorite knife and stabbed him right in the meaty part of the thigh. He screamed and started bleeding like a stuck pig but it looked like I missed the artery (trust me, you know when you hit one of those, it spurts EVERYWHERE). Fortunately it was enough to get him to drop the bat and grab his leg. After a quick punch to the face to shut him up for a while I put a tourniquet on his leg , I didn't need him bleeding out before he answered some questions of mine and I couldn't think of a better place to ask them then next to a swimming pool full of Ink.

No was awake to see me haul him, bloody and bound with duct tape into the room with the pool except whatever body Camper had watching the security cameras and It didn't seem to care. I did bring the essentials, including my bag full of money, with me so I could leave right away when I was done though. Being very careful not to touch the Ink myself I scooped some out of the pool with a plastic cup the hotel had been kind enough to provide in my room and threw it in the face of the unconscious Timberwolf to wake him. He came to sputtering and immediately declared that I should kill him now, he had no fear of embracing his master. I explained to him that there was one class of person I'd never seen getting a great big hug from Archie and that was someone who had become Camper before dying. Betty looked at me, then looked at the pool, and turned white. "So talk quick before I throw you in and wait for the bubbles to stop coming up. What the hell were the Slenderproxies buying from you guys and what did you need all that money for?"

"You fucking wouldn't!" he spit at me. "I know who you are, you're the Proxy Hunter, you don't make Proxies you kill them."

"The way I see it, it's just as easy to kill Camper as Timberwolves. Easier when It's early stage and hasn't figured out the body yet. Now I'm getting bored, so which is it? A big old hug from Archie or a late night swim?"

"Fine, one of their Agents approached us, he wanted to buy a new designer drug we'd made. We're calling it "Archangel Dust", PCP with a pinch of Jimsonweed suspended in our secret ingredient, a form of Ink. It helps amp up the addictiveness of the drugs and as long as they don't OD they don't usually go Camper on us."

"And why in the hell did the Proxies want this "Archangel Dust" of yours?"

"I have no clue. The boss might know but no one told me."

"So who's the boss? If you tell me Tony Danza so help me God I'll kick you into the pool right now."

"Father would be displeased if that became public. I will not displease Father for anything."

"Fine, so what did you guys need a briefcase full of C-notes for then?"

"I don't know the specifics. The boss has a plan to see many people into Father's embrace but he hasn't revealed the details to any of us."

"Thanks, Betty." I said "You've been very helpful. Enjoy your swim." Then I kicked the bastard into the pool and waited until the bubbles stopped coming up. Not wanting to add to the local Camper population I fished the body back out of the pool with the life guard equipment and spoke to It to make sure I was dealing with an early stage Camper. After I got tired of making Betty say things like "The Archangel is a douche." I slit Its throat before it could evolve further and left.

This is not good. The Timberwolves are planning to kill a fuck load of people and the Slenderproxies wanted a drug that's essentially a Dissociative mixed with a Deliriant and backed up with Ink. What the hell could they want with that? Got to move to a different hotel now. No, I'm not saying which one I'm typing this entry from. I'm going to try to get a post up explaining the Timberwolves to those of you who aren't familiar with them soon.

Until then, Stay Alert, Stay Alive.

9 comments:

  1. You know, your methods are a bit strange, and I have to say, I've never thought of turning a Timberwolf into a Camper before to prevent them from getting what they want. it's rather ingenious, come to think of it, but you're not going to be able to corner them next to a pool of Ichor all the time...

    Also, the Camper Timberwolf chanting "The Archangel is a douche" is by far the best thing I've read all month.

    - Have a Nice Day

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    1. I second that, that was glorious hahahahaha

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  2. Did he scream? Did he beg? Did he shriek as his body fell into the water?

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    1. ...Why would you want to know that kind of thing?

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    2. He didn't have time to do anything but look horified. Now, I still know where the pool is if you and your boss want to learn if it works as well on your Mistresses little toys as it does on Timberwolves (you are one of Jesters little chucklefucks are you not?).

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    3. Oh, yes, indeed. I am one of the Misfits. Was it the name that gave it away? Mr. Jester named us himself, you know.

      You should meet my coworkers! Lady, in particular, is a big admirer of your work.

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  3. Holy crap. That was awesome.

    That said, it's also immoral, illegal, and downright cruel. -.-

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    1. I've never claimed I was a good man. Only better than those who threw away their humanity to serve. I lost all that was good in me a few years back.

      I'm going to try to update again soon, just been busy. Betty may be gone but I still have Veronica, Jughead, and a group of angry Proxies to avoid. Damn, I'm spending this money like water just to stay one step ahead. So much for the big score.

      Until then, Stay Alert, Stay Alive.

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  4. You've got style hehehe maybe we'll meet someday. It would be a delightful encounter, don't you agree? We could chat about the weather over a cup of tea. ;D

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